i'm in a shitty mood. the contractions keep coming, although they aren't following any regular pattern. i had too many visits today, too many phone calls, and I ended up ignoring some of them, and I even told Jason that I didn't want to talk to him. Sigh. I'm just having a rough time with all of it today. I miss my Jakob. I would give so much just to be able to crawl into bed with him and have him snuggle me. I miss Jay. I miss home.
I'm painfully lonely at night. During the day there's so much going on that I could care less that I'm here. i don't have to think about eating, or cleaning, or anything. I have amazing nurses who fuss over me like little mother hens. My night nurse today is making sure I eat enough, drink enough, etc... and is giving me extra space so i don't end up making a needless trip to delivery over night. she just watched me as the ativan dissolved under my tongue.
that was less than 5 minutes ago, and I already can feel it working. i'm going to be a freaking zombie tomorrow. ah, that's okay though.
i want to go home. i want to go home. i want to go home.
but, I want ellie to grow!
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