She's amazing

I can't believe how amazing Ellie is. What I feel for her is absolutely overwhelming.

We spent so long thinking that she wasn't going to make it, and that we were going to lose her. I never really bonded with her while I was pregnant, mostly because I was terrified of what would happen if things didn't work out. I felt guilt about not bonding. I was worried for nothing, I am absolutely head over heels in love with her.

Okay... I have a few minutes to kill between pumping and going down to HOLD her, so here's my birth story.

On Wednesday afternoon, just after lunch, I started having contractions. They were pretty unpleasant, and happening often enough that I had to tell my nurse. After monitoring me for a while up on Evergreen, they decided to send me downstairs for continuous monitoring in labor and delivery. I spent all of Wednesday night attached to the monitor.

On Thursday morning, having contracted almost all night long, and after having a bit of a temperature, and a bit of weird blood cultures, the doctors decided that it was probably a good idea to get the show on the road. Because I had pPROMd they didn't do any vaginal exams at the beginning, they just went by my last ultrasound. The doc brought in a bedside ultrasound machine, to confirm that she was still cephalic, and to make sure that blood flow was good enough that she could handle labor. When they decided we were good to go, they hooked me up to magnesium sulfate, and to some hefty antibiotics. The mag made me feel hot, flushed and totally stoned, but I was lucky that I didn't have any bad side effects.

Around 1:30pm they started my on oxytocin. We started really slowly, at 1miu/minute, increasing by 1-2miu/min every 30 minutes. Beth showed up around 2pm for moral support, and Jason came sometime after that. For the next several hours, we just hung out, making bets on when she would be born. There was speculation among the care team that I would go really quickly, given my history with Jakob.

Contractions took a long, long time to get going solidly. They'd start, get regular, and just before the next oxy increase, they would fizzle out. This kept going until I got to 35miu/min around 11:30pm. At that point, the doctor decided to check me to see what progress we were making. I was dilated to 3cm, and almost fully effaced. So, a lot of progress, but at the same time, it usually takes an hour to dilate 1cm. We were all betting for the wee hours of the morning, I thought she would be here around 6am!

The doc used an amniohook to break whatever was left (not much) of my waters. The check was uncomfortable, and the contractions after that got to be really uncomfortable, so I asked for an epidural. I didn't want to go through the same pain as with Jakob, and I wanted to be as calm as possible, so the anesthetist came around 11:45pm. She was AWESOME, and the epidural went in no problem. After that kicked in, I was in heaven. I couldn't feel the contractions at all.

They decided to leave me at the 35miu/min oxy rate, because my body was producing some great contractions. It was totally strange not being able to feel them at all. Just before 2am, the baby started having decels with contractions, and the nurse I had (who was covering my nurse's break) was having a hard time getting a good trace with the abdominal monitor. She paged the doctor, who came and put an electrode on Ellie's head! It was crazy, I didn't even know that was possible. In two hours, I had go to a 5cm, so par for the course, at 1 cm an hour.

We decided to settle down for a good snooze, Jason was sleeping on a mattress on the floor, and Beth was reading a magazine.

Just after the doctor left, my good nurse came to give me an "in and out" catheter, since I didn't feel like getting up to pee. My legs were wobbly. While she was talking to me about the catheter process, we noticed the baby's heart rate decelerating again with contractions. She said "okay, well, I'll get this done, then I'll call the doctor, because you might be making progress if she's having these decels". I said that was fine. Just as she was leaving to get the supplies, she reminded me to tell her if I felt any pressure. As soon as she said "pressure", I was struck with an overwhelming urge to poop. "Oh my god, there's pressure! There's pressure! HOLY CRAP THERE'S PRESSURE!!" She quickly checked me, and said "Ah! There's the head!!" She paged the doctors, who came scrambling in, not really believing I could already be ready, as I yelled at Jason to call for my mom to come. He had no idea what was happening (he was really asleep). I told him to tell her to HURRRRRY or she was going to miss it. The doctors took the electrode off her head, and told me to push when I felt a contraction. I told them i didn't want my mom to miss it, I wasn't pushing. Jason decided to go see if he could find her, and left!! I yelled at Beth to go get him, because then HE would miss it too! Jason called my mom at 2:04am. At 2:08am, I couldn't hold the pushing urge any longer, and with one not very big push, our sweet baby girl came screaming into the world.

They put her on my tummy for two seconds, then rushed her to the resus room, where I could hear her crying away. She was pink and great. Her apgars were 9/9! She weighed 1374gram (3lbs even) and is 15.5inches long. Jason looked in at me and said "I'm going with her!" Love in his eyes already, that baby girl wasn't getting out of his sight!

The doctors worked on me for a bit, my placenta was delivered (it looked totally battered), and my uterus shrunk back down to size realllly quickly. Quick as it all happened, it was over, and it was just Beth and I in the room. It was totally surreal.

My mom came in a few minutes later, disappointed she missed it, but there's nothing I could have done. We all honestly thought it would be hours longer, but there she was, ready to rock our worlds. Mom went to the NICU to see Ellie with Jason, and Beth stayed a little with me.

After a while, they unhooked me from the monitors, got me up to pee, and then I got to see her. Wow.

She was on CPAP for a while, but they weaned her off it earlier today, and now she's doing great, breathing room air. She's had two meals (if you can count a couple cc's a meal!), and at 8pm I get to go down and HOLD HER!!

She's absolutely adorable, and such a miracle. I can't believe we made it.

**will update the rest of the pictures when I am back from my visit with her!