Today was exhausting. We had a nice visit for Jason's birthday, and a nice dinner, but it was entirely too much. It's stressful when your child blatantly refuses to listen to you :( Plus, family visits tend to be stressful. Sigh...
I sincerely hope tonight is not the night she decides to come. So far, so good. My mil is going out to Langley, because my sil isn't feeling well at all, and probably shouldn't be alone. That means, if I happen to go into labor, Jason will have to bring Jakob to the hospital. UGH.
My parents are moving tomorrow... all in all, it's just not a good time. At the same time, I've been here for three weeks. I haven't seen the outside of this hospital in 21 days. TWENTY ONE DAYS.
I'm starting to lose my mind, just a little. I have no idea how I'm going to adapt to being home again, thinking about it terrifies me. I haven't had to do "everything" in so, so long, the thought of having to do anything is really intimidating. Maybe I'm just being a whiner.
The worst part of all this, is not knowing when labour is going to start, or how it's going to go. Statistically speaking, somewhere between 50-80% of women who pPROM go into labour within a week. That gives me 4 more days to see if I fall into the majority. Nothing seems to fall into the majority for this pregnancy, so I guess we'll see. The most inconvenient time would be tomorrow night, after my parents have spent a whole day moving, Jay's tired with Jakob, and there's a car appointment, and more moving early on Thursday morning. 96 hours in, I wouldn't be surprised if that's when it happens.
I'm terrified of the pain. I have been thinking about it, and I honestly don't think I want to even attempt a med-free delivery. Because of the high risk of fetal distress due to my crappy placenta, they will probably have to prep me for a c-section anyway, so bring on the epidural. I know it's not the greatest, but I don't want the pain. Selfish, yes, but I've been through so much, and I'm so tired, and feeling so weak that I don't think I can handle the combination of pain and effort it takes to push out the baby. I can do the pushing if I don't have the pain... hoping that I can still feel enough to push properly.
I'm scared of what might happen when she's born. Will she cry? Will she be okay? I know she's 32 weeks, I know we have the steroids, but still, she's 8 weeks early. That's so early.
Sigh. Not having a great evening.
No comments:
Post a Comment