Another weekend, here already. We're half way through April! How is that even possible?
Yesterday was amazing. I had a bunch of visitors, and the day flew by. I had an amazing visit from Angie, who brought me 12 books, and a bunch of incredible goodies. We had a great visit, and the evening literally flew by!
I'm currently in the middle of reading It Sucked and then I Cried by Heather Armstrong, the lady behind dooce.com Loving it. Seriously, though, I could have written most of it (at least up til the 2 month-old phase, where I'm currently at in the book) myself! It's funny, it's sad, it's awesome. I plan to finish it this evening, after I've had a chance to visit with friends from Squamish, and after my mom comes by.
I think I'm going to pull a number out of a hat to decide which book I'll read next. Thank you so much, Angie!!
Jason was by for a bit today, before work. This morning, after breakfast, I fell back asleep (probably due to the fact that I was glued to the book until after midnight), and had the most annoying dreams! I've probably read one too many romance novels over the past couple weeks, and since I've been on pelvic rest (read, no sex) for an eternity, these books have done nothing but frustrate the heck out of me. One of the dreams I had, put Jason in my hospital room overnight. I told him that the nurses said it was okay for us to, you know, do it. Well, he didn't take much convincing, and half way through, right at the point where I was getting all worked up, the nurse came in and started yelling at us. Jay was so mad that I'd lied about being allowed to be frisky, that he left without saying a word. Then I woke up. Ugh!! I was so upset that he was mad at me, I reached for my phone, and then I realized that it was all a dream. Obviously I didn't try to seduce my husband in my hospital room, with nurses coming in and out of the room as they please. When I saw him today, I told him about the dream, and then nearly cried when it dawned on me that we're not going to be able to be "intimate" until this little creature is OUT, and I'm healed, and she can be put down for long enough... that seems like a lifetime away.
Jason hasn't seen me naked in almost 9 weeks, not since I got put on bed rest, and moved in with the parentals. Let's just say that there have been changes in the size of certain body parts. My ass, for one, has most definitely grown, thanks to my 6 meals a day, and you know, the whole not being allowed to walk around thing. I know he loved me through my massive weight gain with Jakob, and he was surprisingly not turned off by the pizza-dough tummy that was the aftermath of birthing an 8lb baby. My boobs were massive, and enough of a distraction. But, and this is what I've been thinking about a lot recently, when I was pregnant with Jakob, he saw me every single day. When you see someone daily, you really don't notice the day-to-day changes that happen. Sure, you would probably notice a change, say if your partner got a haircut, or something like that, but it's not like you would wake up the next morning to something like a 15lbs weight gain. (Of course, the morning my milk came in, that was noticeable...) Anyway, back to my point, Jason will not have seen me in my birthday suit since I was still skinny, with a little baby belly. Fast-forward to when Ellie is born, and I'm home, and he sees my "new" post-baby body, and I'm moderately concerned the change is going to make him want to rip out his eyeballs, lest he never want to touch me again. In all seriousness, he's probably going to be so excited he can finally have sex again, that he won't care, but I CARE. My body is most definitely not going to be anything he expects to see...
Some days it's really freaking hard to be a female and see your body undergo all these massive changes. Sure, my weight gain this time has been in check, and is totally reasonable. I don't have any new stretch marks, and I'm not swollen like a marshmallow. But, all the changes are enough for me to notice, and if I could, trust me, I'd be out jogging, or something (probably not jogging, actually, the thought of jogging at the moment sort of makes me want to vomit). I would be okay with at least walking!
Sigh.
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