She Will Amaze You

Jakob is out the door, off to spend the day with his grandpa, fishing! He was so excited to leave this morning, it was cute to see. I have had my breakfast, made the bed (it's surprising, I really enjoy making the bed, now that I have a thousand throw pillows and a "for-show" comforter), ran a load of laundry, and now need to pack for my overnight. Jason is going to come with me to the hospital for 1pm, so we will have a couple hours just the three of us, before I have to head back out this way for the workout. I am not really looking forward to that, but maybe I will get a good sleep after. I have a new book to read, for when Jason leave us in the evening, and I think my mom might come visit for a while after Ellie has gone to sleep for the night. It is awful how incompetent I feel when it comes to the prospect of looking after Ellie, all by myself, for a day. This whole journey, right from the beginning, has been hard on my maternal instincts. My head is filled with too many "what if?"s. What if she is bored by me? What if she doesn't like me? What if I can't give her what she wants, and she cries? What if we're up all night? What if the night goes well, but that's just a fluke? What if, what if, what if? Sigh. I hope this goes well.