She Will Amaze You

Today was hard. I don't know specificially what it was that made it harder to handle than most days.

I am sick of going to the hospital. I am desperate to see Ellie, but I have had enough of the drive, the parking lot, the elevator, the hallways. The smells, the sounds, everything about hospital life, I am so over it.

Ellie keep gaining weight, which is sort of good, and sort of bad. She's gaining more than she's growing, and now her rolls have rolls. Her doctor came to talk to us about it, about her obsession with food, and put a name to it. Early-onset hyperphagia. There, fine, I have confirmation of what I already knew.

It hurts more than I can express, to know that my baby feels hungry. There's nothing I can do to help her, but offer a strict, predictable schedule, and offer distractions, cuddles and love.

I have a few videos on my phone of her sitting, and standing, but I can't get them to upload. So, will have to reshoot tomorrow with the video camera. Her standing is improving by the day. Today, I took my hands off for a split second, and she didn't fall over.

I guess, she's just on an accelerated path. Early (for PWS) at hitting motor milestones, early with the rapid weight gain, early with the hyperphagia.

Why can't it be me that suffers? Why can't I help her? Life isn't fair.