So scared. Thursday, March 10, 2011

I am so nervous about tomorrow that I'm nauseated, and shaky. That's not good...

Part of me, some weird part of my brain, is trying to convince the rest of me that things are going to be just fine tomorrow. But the rest of me, well, isn't so sure.

I am literally sick with worry.

I've gone into all my past appointments very optimistic, and left disappointed and confused. Each time I've gone in thinking "everything's going to have sorted itself out, she's going to have grown, they'll scale back their monitoring", and every time it seems I find myself facing increasing monitoring, and bleaker outlooks.

I'm so afraid that tomorrow she'll have absent end diastolic flow. I am SO afraid.
To make it worse, I'm going to my ultrasound, non-stress test, and mfm appointment alone. DH is with J until lunch time, when my mother-in-law is going to take J, so DH can join me for the "important" neonatologist consult appointment.

Please, please, please, please let there be positive flow. Please, if I never ask for anything else in my life, please let my little girl be okay.