Bad Mommy

I broke the rules today, and ended up going home, for the night because I just couldn't take being at my parents' anymore, AND I really, desperately wanted to be sure all my orders were taken care of before my appointment tomorrow.

Call me crazy, but my gut tells me that this is going to be the last time I'm allowed home until after Ellie is born. I'm scared.

I have been feeling like absolute CRAP today. My NST was great, Ellie gave the best tracing she's given so far, but I have a weird feeling that something isn't quite right. Maybe it's just me, I've been having dizzy spells and I'm exhausted. But, I wouldn't be surprised if they tell me tomorrow that my fluid levels have gone down again. God, I wish I'd asked what they were last Friday. The nurse today seemed nonplussed that the levels had dropped by 50%. She said that they can vary a lot. I haven't been able to find anything to back up her claim. I'm scared that it's gone down, I know I have until 5cm before I have to worry, so I'm hoping we're still hanging out around 10!!

here's a chart of weights. My peanut was 860grams on Friday, which puts her right at the -22% weight deviation. I remember seeing that number on the chart, 22%. Equates to 2.3% for size overall. Not a big girl... I know babies over 1500 grams do really well, so that means she's got to get to 32 weeks, IF she doesn't keep falling off the damn curve.

26+0 30 + 0 34 + 0 38 + 0 40 + 0 42 + 0 Gestational Age
950 1600 2380 3200 3600 3900 Expected weight
740 1250 1850 2500 2800 3100 -22% weight deviation » 2 SD
620 1050 1550 2100 2320 2550 -35% weight deviation » 3 SD

Tonight I feel sick about the situation. Again. Some days I'm great, but today is not one of those days. of course, it's late (11pm) and I have to be ready to leave for the hospital at 7:15am.

All my orders are done, all i have to think about now is having a baby.
Your thoughts and prayers are always most welcome.

<3