Monday, March 28, 2011

monday, march 28, 2011

The end of March is near. I can't believe it.

Yesterday I went home for the night to get a couple things done and give my parents the night off. I love going home and I realllllly wish that I could have stayed. But, nope, back at my parents first thing this morning to resume my reclining position on the chaise lounge in the sun room. It broke my heart to leave my sleeping boys at home, knowing J would be upset to find me gone when he woke up. Sigh... it is so hard.

I will be 29 weeks tomorrow. Still going strong and holding steady. Physically, I am achy but I feel fine. Emotionally, however, I am a wreck. I think my lack of control over the situation, and the guilt I feel for being needy and not being able to give J what he needs or really be there for my husband is wreaking havoc on my emotional well-being. I definitely find myself depressed more often that not. It is difficult to see the light at the end if this tunnel. I know Ellie worth it, I don't question that, but I am really concerned how *I* am going to be when this all plays out.

DH keeps telling me that he thinks I look beautiful and that he thinks I'm amazing for growing a baby. I feel gross. I don't think I'm amazing, I think it is pretty lame I can't just perform like I did with J. Ugh.

Just had my nst. Little miss was hiding for a while, but they did eventually track her down. She was great. Don't know when my hospital appointments are this week. They haven't let me know yet but I do know my nsts are Thursday and Saturday.

Hungry... going to go eat :)

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