Sunday, January 1, 2012

New year's day 2012. I'm sitting in a rocking chair, holding my tiny little girl, as she snuggles in as close as she can get. I know she misses me as much as I miss her. Tears seem to be freely flowly today, and I am not a crier by nature.
The nurse said it took Ellie over an hour to feed through the night. This morning was a bit better. My dad came to spend the morning with her. He has a magic touch. It is almost feed time again, we will see how she does. Her cough is rough, her cry painful to hear, she is hoarse.
The plan is to stay the course for today, and weigh her tomorrow. If she has gained, that's great, and maybe we can start daytime home trips. If she hasn't gained, or hasn't gained enough, they'll come up with another plan. I don't want to think about that. I'm sure she has gained, her wrists are a lot chubbier.
Sigh. We have a scheduled appointment on the 3rd with the vent clinic. I have a feeling that will be the big collaborative meeting between all the departments handling Ellie.
She was slow taking feeds last night, and today has been getting progressively slower. She took an hour this afternoon to finish 60mls. Totally not herself. The nurse had me put her back on her bipap for a rest, and pretty much shooed me out the door.
It's hard to leave when your little girl looks at you like this:

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