Good morning! I am in a really good mood. Seriously! Last night, I took one Diclectin, and one little magical sleeping pill that Leslie gave me. The combination knocked me out. I actually still feel drowsy, but the breakfast man came by, and breakfast was good! It's really hard to go wrong with pancakes and sausage. The coffee isn't great, nor is the oatmeal, but I can definitely deal with that. Just need to decide what to have for tomorrow, the choices are not so amazing.
Wow, the sleeping pill must still be working, I can barely keep my eyes open...
So, I slept for probably another hour before the OB med-student came to check on me. Every one here has been so nice. He asked me to tell him what I thought the plan was, and I said that Dr. W said I was going to stay until Monday, and that I was going to have an ultrasound on Monday sometime. Probably a good thing that I mentioned that, because he said no ultrasound had been ordered, so we'll see, I guess they'll get on that. He was asking me if I had a tv (while he was standing right underneath it) and I pointed to it. He also agreed it was a crap location for any good tv watching.
He suggested we move the bed, good idea! When the tv people come this afternoon, I'll order tv until Monday afternoon, and then maybe someone can move the bed for me.
I told him that Dr. Wagner had mentioned the progesterone shots, and that I knew someone who had delivered her first baby pre-maturely, and was given the shots in the hopes of preventine PTL in her second pregnancy. I don't know if it worked or not. He marked it down on his chart, so I'll ask whoever the on-call OB is later on today.
I made some comment about getting back to staring at my blue walls. He laughed and offered to open the blinds for me. I told him that I'd peeked outside, and it wasn't worth looking at, unless old people being sick and dying did it for you. He looked out, and totally agreed with me. You know, if it were sunny out, and not grey and raining, I might think about opening the blinds, especially if my bed is moved so that I don't look out. That way I could benefit from the sunshiney goodness. But, it's raining, and if I remember correctly (the last time I saw the forecast was a while ago) it's supposed to rain all weekend.
Coffee time! It is really the worst coffee imaginable.
My nurse this morning listened to Ellie and did my blood pressure. It's been holding steady, somewhere around perfect, so I'm happy with that. Ellie's heart rate was 130bpm, also totally normal. They took out my iv line *YAY* and said they'd only put it back in if they need to, so hopefully they won't need to, it feels weird not having it, but maybe tonight I will be able to sleep well without worrying about it. My right arm looks like it got a bad waxing job!
I wonder what's up with the lady in the room beside me. She must call for a nurse two or three times an hour. I haven't pressed my call button since, I don't know...Thursday?
Did a little dance this morning, because according to my chart, I'm 23 weeks today. According to a date that Sandra gave me, I'm 23w3d, but I have to go by what's in my chart. Who really knows? I think it's better to give the baby the benefit of the doubt, when it comes to dating, and it pays to be conservative. If we assume she's further along than she is (and this is when counting the days matters) we might mistakenly presume she's ready to come out, when she really isn't.
I'm looking forward to DH coming to visit me today. With any luck he'll come after I've had lunch, so that we can go for a walk while here's here. I really want to go outside, but even a change of scenery would be nice. Maybe we can walk past the babies in the nursery, if there are any there.
HC (DH's boss) said that DH can be one-man tonight, and take the squad car out to see me for a couple hours. I don't know if he really has to come, but it would be nice to see him before I go to bed.
I'm waiting on a call from my parents, who I'm sure, despite my best efforts to reassure them, are worrying. It's only natural. If my baby were in the hospital, I would be worried. I don't know what time Kim is going to bring J, but she did mention that she and Amber were going to go over to our house to do some laundry, pack up the two packages that are ready to go out, and try to do some of the sewing for me. I should let her know where the finished sheets and changers are, that way she has an example to go by. Ugh, when I think about all the work i have to do, that isn't getting done because I'm sitting here, it stresses me out. I know I have to be calm though, it's not good to stress about something which I cannot control. With any luck I'll be out of here on Monday, and I can get some stuff done!!
Here, want to see what I see? I'll turn the computer around and you can have a look at my view!
Directly in front of me. I have my computer resting on the tray that rolls around to fit over the bed at meal times. I wish I had something like this tray at home!! It's very convenient. You can see my straw in the bottom corner. Hmmm... didn't notice the hook on the wall before, might move my sweater the next time I get up to pee.
That phone on the wall is the intercom that all the pages go through. Beth told me Code Blue means someone's heart has stopped. She thinks it goes across all the hospital, and isn't ward specific. I'm going to go with that theory, since it's nicer (in some weird way) to think that it's no someone in L&D who is dying. The overhead PA in the hallway is definitely hospital wide. They just paged "Lab Stat to Emerg" three times. I don't know why you need a lab person there stat, but whatever.
In the far corner, you can see my IV machine. I hope I don't have to be attached to it again, it's a pain to wheel it around, especially into the washroom. I don't like it at all. Then, the table looking thing beside me is the fetal heart/contraction tracking machine. I'm sure it has a fancy name, yep, Fetal Monitor. The doppler machine is on top of the monitor, with the nice bottle of ultrasound goop to go with it. In the wood panel, there's all the tubing and stuff to go with oxygen, and entenox. Don't need either, but I suppose if the birthing rooms were full, and you were in labour, it would be nice to have access to the laughing gas. I sure appreciated having it.
I think the black thing beside my head is a computer monitor. They haven't used it once since i've been here. And then there's me, looking a little weathered, pale and tired. At least my hair is clean!
I've noticed that every single health care person I've talked to in my stay, has had dry, cracked hands. i bet it's from the overuse of those alcohol sanitizers. What's wrong with soap?! Too much time, probably.
Okay, back to waiting :)
Ah, I missed the call from my parents. That's what you get for taking a bathroom break! I had a couple crappy contractions after I went to the toilet, it's so annoying. I wish I knew that they were just harmless, but that last one was painful. At least i seem to be somewhat regular with regards to going to the bathroom, so gas pains aren't causing me trouble. My back is starting to hurt from just sitting all day long, and my legs ache. I think I might ask if there's anything I can do to not waste away while I sit here.
I wish I had music! I'm singing to myself and it makes no sense. Of course, I've never added music to this computer, silly me.
Wow, I spent the last hour and a half talking on the phone! Mom and Dad called, then Mari called, then Kim called, then I called DH and then Carla called me! That's a LOT of talking, my ear hurts. My coffee has gone cold, but it was worth having an hour and a half pass without having to think about where I am.
They took away my breakfast and lunch trays, and my dirty laundry. The lady next door is going for an ultrasound. I wonder why she needs help all the time. Seriously, she's always calling for something. Water, juice, change of clothes, blankets, water, attention. The poor nurses are running in and out of her room all day long!
She's got a bad hip, a smoker's cough, I really wonder what her issue is. I'm so nosy... it's taking a long time for her to get into the wheelchair. I wonder if she's ready to pop, or in here trying not to have a baby like I am. Ooh, someone down the hall is definitely in labour. I wish i could see the nursery, if there are any babies in there. Oh my goodness, she's OLD!! I would never, ever have thought someone looking her age (and I'm terribly sorry if I offend anyone with this) would be having a baby. She waved at me from the hall- pays to have your door open! and I asked her how she was doing "Lousy!" no doubt!
DH's not coming to see me until this evening around 7 or 8pm. I hope that since he's coming in uniform, it won't really matter that he's here after visiting hours. I've played a lot of games of Spider Solitaire, I'm really not very good at all. 20 games and only a 52% win average. Aww, someone is bringing flowers and presents, must be a new baby on the ward today.
Sigh, I just talked to the OB on call today. She's super nice, but it was a bit of a depressing conversation. It looks like I'm going to be here until the baby is born. If I make it to 24 weeks, which is a week from today, then there's the option of starting steroid treatment, etc... to make sure that she has a fighting chance if she has to be born. DH and I have to talk about when we want to start the treatment. If we decide that 24 weeks is worth it, and what a horrible way to put it, but there are so many complications for her and such a long, long road, then they'll do everything they can to help her. If we want to wait until 26 weeks, then they'll wait until 26 weeks, or whenever we're ready, to start the steroids. I am really scared about having a premature baby. The OB said something about getting the pediatrician to come talk to me about prematurity, to help us decide at what point in my pregnancy we want to start interventions. I am also going to be fitted with compression stockings, to keep the circulation going in my veins. I know that the ultrasound I had last Monday showed my legs to be fine and dandy, but sitting here all day every day isn't pleasant. She said I have a lot of hospital time ahead of me, it doesn't sound at all like I'm going to get to go home. Man, I really wish there was an internet connection. I think on Monday, if it looks like I am going to be staying for good, then I will seriously look into mobile internet. I will go crazy here for a month without being able to communicate with people. I think I might refund a few people so that I don't have to get their sets done, and hopefully we can get everything figured out with the business between now and whenever she's born.
I told the OB that I had a feeling a couple weeks ago that she was going to be born early, and I'd been researching prematurity. I also mentioned having talked to my mom about the possibility of her coming home early in case I had to be bed-ridden. The OB said women have a sixth sense about these things.
I should have asked about whether I'll stay here or be moved to Women's if I get to 24 weeks. Before then, they won't even try to save her if my body actually goes into labour.
I am sad. 7 more sleeps until I even stand a chance of saving my little girl. I miss J and DH so much, it is killing me, and I don't even know what to do. All I can do is sit here, waiting, hoping the hours pass by. The OB said at least my cervix still has length. And my contractions aren't regular. I have those working with me. I wonder what the ultrasound really said. All anyone has looked at was the result of the cervix scan, not of her growth. I asked the OB if she would look into that for me, because I know that weight of the baby makes a big difference in terms of her ability to thrive if born early. Oh my God. I seriously can't believe I'm here, that I have to stay here. I am terrified.
Questions for pediatrician:
Do you have information on what can improve the odds, to help us make a decision? What weight range should she be, is there a certain weight versus certain week to aim for? Steriods, when, or does that depend on weight. What sort of complications. What sort of abnormalities. Quality of life depending on which week. Anything I can do to make it better?
Television is set until Tuesday morning, thanks Alex.
I wasn't ready to set myself up for anything long term, because I hope they let me go home.
J and Kim came to visit around 4. J was actually happy to see me today, thank goodness. I missed him so much, and he wanted to sit on my lap and love me. He ate his yogurt and cookies, and took a poop on the toilet! I LOVE him!
He even let me record him saying he loves me, and misses me. That will be nice to watch when he goes home for the night.
DH came over and stayed for a couple hours. Ah, so nice. He came in uniform, and J was thrilled to see him. J stayed a while when Jay was here, but decided he'd finally had enough, so Kim took him home. I was happy to have DH stay a while longer. We talked about the baby, and what to do when she's born, especially if it's before 26 weeks. I don't think it will be, but just in case, we're going to ask for them to start the steroid treatment for her lungs at 24 weeks. I would first like to know what the risks are of steroids, if we do start them. I also want to ask about the ffn test, the one that supposedly tells you if you're going to go into labor in the next 1-2 weeks. That might be reason enough to prolong taking the steroids, if it makes a difference.
I'm still waiting for the visit from the pediatrician, I should hear them out, but I am pretty sure that we want to give her the best chance we can. I am really crampy today, not contractions really, but what feels like bad period cramps. The nurse gave me some tylenol, so I hope that helps.
I'm really stressed about SusieCues, really. I hate that there's so much left to do. Sigh, what can I do?? Nothing.
These cramps are really frightening. They keep asking me if I'm bleeding, so far I'm not. It feels like I should be, though. Not a good feeling at all. I'm watching the Canucks game, eating Skittles (thank you, DH!) and playing my 27th game of solitaire. I still suck at it! 50% winning average. That is awful. I don't think I have the patience to think things through.
Visiting hours are short, 8:00pm, and they made the announcement. Sad! Not that I have visitors at the moment.
Ugh, because of the cramping, I get another IV.
before:
after:
ugh. the way the iv is in, i can't type. this sucks.
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