Be grateful

I'm sitting here beside Ellie's incubator, watching the monitors, sitting in silence. There's just one other baby in the nicu, three nurses and myself.
I used to spend so much time on the pregnancy boards. I love the people there, and all the support they offer. But... sigh. As due dates get closer, people start whining about wanting to have their babies already, and complaining about still being pregnant. It makes me want to scream. I do remember watching my due date come and go with jakob, and being ready to meet him, but having ellie early makes me look at those people differently. I wish I could say "be thankful you are going to make it to term!! Be grateful you most likely will never have to spend a minute in the nicu with a child too frail to hold. Count your blessings you will take your baby home, instead of calling a hospital home, and not knowing when your family will all be together". It is so hard to see all these babies being born, going home, and my baby is here, 19 days old, and we have no homecoming date anywhere on the horizon. She is 35 weeks today. She is still 100% gavage fed. She lost weight for two days in a row, virtually eliminating the past week's worth of growth. It is depressing beyond words. She still has so far to go.
If I could have kept her in until today, she would have been able to go home in a week. She would have been able to eat, breathe, maintain body temperature. But, I couldn't keep her in, and so I get to sit here everyday, waiting, watching and wishing I could have been so lucky as to be overdue.