She Will Amaze You

It is a beautiful summer day, and at 50 days od life, my baby girl has never seen the sun shine. I have been with her at the hospital for most of the day, just holding her, talking to her, looking at her.
She took 10mls by bottle, the other 50 by tube. Sigh. Why?
Two babies are going home today, both are 32 weekers. One was here three weeks, the other two! And they're going home :(
Ellie is gestationally the oldest, although ther are twins who are actually older and a little girl who is older. They're all under 37 weeks adjusted. On Wednesday, we hit 40 weeks.
I am ridiculously grateful to all the people that help with Jakob so that I can be here. I am fully ready for the ng tube training so I can be home. God, it has been so, so long. February 9th... since february 9th I haven't lived at home. I've been there for a night or two, but never long enough to get back into a normal routine. I miss it.
I know there's a lot of responsibility that comes with tube feeding at home, but I will have so much more time. I know, I am a whiney broken record, but I am done with this.
I tell myself it is just going to be a few more days- she'll pick up eating in a few more days, but days turn into weeks, and into months. I am snappy with everyone, although I don't mean it. I just don't have any patience left to spare :(
I don't know how I feel about the prospect of going back to childrens. It is so impersonal there, I love the care team at st. Paul's. Love them.
I know it will probably be a short stay, and all along, our coming home journey in my mind, left from the sunny women's/children's entrance, not from a grungy downtown underground parkade. But... oh, I don't know.
The sheets are washed on the crib and bassinette at home. Tomorrow, I am going to get some sewing done, I have a few blankets and a cuddle-wrap to make for a nurse here. I finished the fabric top for the new nicu grad board,too. They're redecorating the nursery, and next week -if we are still here- we will be photographed for the wall art :) that will be fun. Little miss will be a famous nicu baby, hahaha.
I wish I could take my kids for a walk. The buggy is all ready. Washed, hinges oiled...just waiting, like we are, for our Ellie to come home.