Feeling Defeated

I am feeling absolutely defeated. Our "visit" to Children's, turned into a full-blown move. They sent everything with her, and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to any one. I know we can always go back, but I wasn't expecting everything, her clothes, blankets, pictures, and milk to show up at the hospital with her.

She's in a room in the NICU that I didn't even know existed. We were in the main room when we were there before, and I knew there were some small private rooms, but we are in the "back" rooms. They're as quiet as St. Paul's which is good, and I know most of the moms there. It is nice to know that we're not the only ones with long stays. Although, I must admit it stings when they were going over her details and said "oh... she's term". A lot, if not most of the kids that are there, have been there for as long, if not longer than Ellie, but most of those were born earlier, and are still gestationally younger than she is.

I don't know what time it was when she got there, maybe 430pm. They hooked her back up to all the monitors. A HUGE step backwards. Blood pressure, oxymeter, heart rate and breathing monitors. It felt like I stab in the heart to have them ringing off, too.

At 6pm, we tried a bottle, she desatted to 78, so they stopped the bottle. Doctor said that she isn't allowed to oral feed until they discover the reason for the desats, and I am mad St. Paul's took her off the monitors without further investigating the cause. They gave her oxygen, but didn't look for the underlying reason. Sigh.

So, tomorrow is a big, big day. I have to be present for rounds at 930am, and there's a chest xray, and swallow study lined up for the morning. They want her to be seen by an occupational therapist (OT) to evaluate her feeding skills, and also by a neurologist to evaluate her hypotonia. With any luck, someone will figure out what's wrong with her, and we can finally have an end date in sight for this never ending hospital stay.