I haven't quite been feeling myself over the past few days. I've been really busy with the kids, and DH has been working, a lot of night shifts, which leaves me to do everything. Housework, kid work, groceries, you name it, I do it. I have a hard time staying up until the nurse gets here at 11pm, it's not easy falling asleep once she does get here, and it's almost impossible to get up in the morning. I don't know where the time goes, but somehow I'm lacking in the sleep department.
I've never dealt with anxiety before, I've always been a very calm person, but recently, or I guess since Ellie came home from the latest hospital stay, I've been on edge. Her emergency shook me to my core. I am so scared it could/will happen again. Dr. Dee said, before we went home, that I was really lucky it wasn't worse, that I was right there when it happened. What if I hadn't been there?
I've been having nightmares, that's normal. What isn't normal, is a near constant dizziness, accompanied by waves of nausea. I'm fine, until I eat, or I start thinking about Ellie and what happened, and then I just feel sick. It's been difficult eating enough to maintain my weight, and weight loss is most definitely not what I am going for these days. I also get a strange constricting feeling in my chest. The more I think about it, the worse it gets, which leads me to believe it is psychological. Blah... I thought I was done with therapy.
DH starts his vacation tomorrow, so I have a couple weeks to hopefully get back to myself. I haven't even felt like writing, which sucks because it's my favourite outlet. Hoping that after a couple nights of decent sleep, I'll be back at it, and can let you know about all the exciting things we did this week, like going to the farm!
:) Happy Friday!
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