She Will Amaze You

We did it. We're home, I didn't cry, didn't faint, stayed strong. Ellie was brave, very brave. She is completely wiped, has absolutely no tone left, is white as a ghost and sleeeeeepy. I think it might take a few days to get over this ordeal. Please, please, please let the results show she failed.

The nurses, Anne and Susan (easy to remember when your name is Susanne), were amazing. Susan used to live in the unit directly beside us, 15 years ago. Funny how it is a small world. Anne, well she was master iv-inserter. It took several tries, and she ended up putting it in Ellie's head, but given she had next to nothing to work with, I was very impressed.

I watched the Brave Little Toaster, and Wall-E, some tv, and music videos. Every half hour they drew blood, and also checked her sugar levels. I'm dying to hear the results.

I thought my days of pumping in a hospital were long over, apparently not. The smell of the pump room put a lump in my throat. I hate that smell, so many memories of the NICU are tied up in that smell... but, now we're moving forward, things are going to be okay.

I have no idea how in the world I am going to learn to give Ellie a shot everyday.

So many people called to check on us, texted me for updates. Someone did not. Didn't even call this morning to wish us luck, didn't text me, did shit fuck all. He is in humongous shit when he comes home tonight, if I let him come home...

grrrr.....